Wednesday, March 28, 2007

the fear is still there

When I read the comment to my last post asking me to participate in the Merkel Cell Carcinoma discussion group, I think my heart stopped. That was a painful part of my past that I am proud of surviving, but have since tried to distance myself from. To a certain extent, getting over it meant forgetting about it.

But needing to forget means that at some level, the cancer still controlled me. I had been thinking not remembering was being cured. Maybe remembering and taking control is being cured. The scar on my left temple is my badge of courage, it is not invisible, it is part of me.


Adi said...

I wasn't sure if I should comment if I don't know you personally, but I see no one has, and I think you need a comment-hug here. I don't think I can fully understand how you feel, but I think there are different type of survivors. There are those that go and write best-seller novels or start a new wristband craze, and there are those that just want to know that it is a chapter that is over and life has started completely new; and they treasure the presence not because of some form of suffering in the past, but rather despite of it. The one survivor is not better or braver than the other: it is just a different way of living. I think the comment made on your blog was perhaps with the intention to inspire the first type of person. Your reaction to it is completely valid and understandable, and if anything I hope that if you do respond to them, your contribution would be that there isn't something like the "longest surviving individual" (ouch), but rather just people that have started a new chapter with its own inspiration, created from scratch. Big hugs from a huge fan.

Adi said...

Sorry, typo: present, not presence.

Maureen said...

thank you, that is a very neat way of looking at it. I am definitely not the wristband sort!!

George, Group Admin said...


Your welcomed support and participation of the Merkel Cell Cancer group has given needed hope and boost to many. As you have noticed we have a constant increase in membership as well as diversity for survivorship and those not as fortunate to be doing as well as others.

Every opportunity for others to help get the grassroots effort going to get the word out about this very rare cancer will save another individual with what most physicians think is just a cyst with a wait and watch approach.

Group Admin & MCC Survivor
(Also, just another member of the group)