Friday, February 14, 2014

So It's Been a While...

In a world where we share status in teeny snippets - writing more complex thoughts falls to the wayside, at least for me.  I didn't realize that it had been two years since I'd written a blog post, but indeed that seems to be what has happened.

And what a two years...  The new job isn't so new anymore - very soon I will be able to show off what my team and I have done.  It's just the beginning, of course, much more we want to do from here, but I know at least I have learned so much.  I'm happy with what we've done, and having fun thinking of the things we need to do next.

One son has graduated from college, another is about to, and a third has finally found the right college where he is finally thriving.  Another son has finished his Ph.D. and is now teaching at a relatively nearby college.  Kids are good, life is good.

Steve and I have walked across the Scottish Highlands - 80 miles.  We are healthy enough to survive that, and life is good.

We have a new puppy, and Woodstock is still my best buddy.  We love all our spaniels, and they make us smile every day.

The one cloud in my sky is dealing with the death of my mom in September.  I'm still surprised at how deeply that has affected me.  My dad died when I was thirteen, and foolishly I thought that because that was so awful, if my mother died after reaching a respectable old age (which she did, she was 86), that it wouldn't be as bad.  Well, I do continually surprise myself about how much of an idiot I can be...

One reason I hadn't blogged a lot is that my mom had found my blog.  That tension between mother and child - wanting to be independent and not having my mom know my every thought..  Children break free, mothers don't let go, it doesn't stop when you leave Sugar Mountain.  It's strange but true that I was comfortable with any anonymous reader out there seeing what I wrote, but having my mom read it made me uncomfortable.

My mom and I were close after my dad died.  It was just the two of us raising me.  It was hard to leave my mom all alone to go off to Boston for graduate school - but I desperately needed to, too.  I had to break free, be my own person, and I had to build that boundary.  And that boundary is now one of the things I regret the most now that she's gone.

Last night I was cleaning the kitchen counter, and I found the Valentine's Day card she sent me last year.  Somehow I don't think that find was accidental.  Happy Valentine's Day, Mom.  I miss you.